Normally we are told that empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Some scholars describe its attributes in terms of perspective taking, staying out of judgement, recognising emotions and communicating skilfully.
But I’ve never found conventional definitions of empathy to really capture its essence. They explain what it ‘looks like,’ but they don’t adequately explain what empathy *is,* and all it encompasses.
As Michael Tsarion asks:
“Is empathy’s origin truly in the external world, where one might imagine it to be learned? Is it all just part of a Darwinian evolution to help us with our survival? Well that’s just clearly explaining it away.”
Empathy is an inherent quality of mind. Perhaps the most valuable of all. I think of empathy as:
“a willingness to meet and be transformed by experience.”
When you feel what another feels, you are feeling a part of yourself. What we think of as ‘empathy’ is in fact this willingness to meet and be transformed by experience.
When harmed, empathy says “I will endeavour to never subject anyone else to that same harm.” Whereas a defending ego says “I am now going to repeat that to other people in order to placate my pain.”
As Jung said:
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”
Hence why empathy and connection are synonymous, and how connection is not possible without it.
But true empathy, as understood in this way, doesn’t always ‘look like’ empathy, and what ‘looks like’ empathy often isn’t. True empathy cannot be faked; unlike compassion, sympathy and understanding, which can all be imitated, transformation cannot.
Empathy and spiritual growth are intrinsically linked. It is impossible to grow without it. Understanding what empathy actually is, rather than merely what it ‘looks like,’ is essential for spiritual growth, and for discernment in daily interactions.
I discuss empathy from a psychospiritual perspective at length in Episode 4 of the Make it Conscious Podcast. You can listen to this episode at: makeitconscious.com/episode4/
